Tuesday, December 29, 2015

find your meaning

passing through

I've recently become obsessed with spotting the statue of liberty on my train rides to/from Manhattan. It started on a particularly difficult day about a month ago. Another bout of professional inadequacy roared through my brain, and for some reason I had a moment on the train when I realized that I had gone from living on a military base in the piedmont of NC as a small child to an adult living in the chaos of NYC, riding the train across the Manhattan bridge to my job as a therapist, living with my partner, and taking care of other living beings. I don't know, something about the distance between those two states of being hit me as an accomplishment, even though I know that there's a bias wrapped up in the conclusion. Am I somehow more "accomplished" than the people who never stray 10 miles from home? No, but for me it feels important to realize that I have taken certain kinds of risks and am living a life that is proof of the ability to do hard things. I also have a ton of privilege and opportunity that makes my challenges a walk in the park compared to others, but it's important to hold both ideas and not dismiss one's accomplishments. Something about the raised arm of the statue of liberty triggered this thought process, and I'm sure there's some contentious back story that throws stones through my vision of it as a symbol for strength. It feels cheesy, and I'm embarrassed to admit it, but I'm also happy to have a trigger for helpful thoughts that keep me from getting too caught up in my failure narrative.

rattling over
the bridge, her arm extends through
fog, a reminder


walking along 6th
idly texting when a damn
pigeon grazed my phone

(yes, that really happened)

picture: fog rolling through the NC mountains, somewhere between Warren Wilson College and Boone, July 2013, film, Canon Tlb (because I don't really have a picture of the statue of liberty or one looking the correct direction down the east river) 

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