through the middle

Note to self: always write before entertaining guests for dinner. My brain is fried from making conversation for the last three hours, which is hard work for this particular introvert no matter the quality of the company. I'm too stubborn to indulge the desire to skip this, but I also don't have much to give, so here's my stab at today's exercise (about exercise):

i've circled this park
for eight years, but it's taken
pain to explore it

picture: the canal in the southern part of the Prospect Park on my "exercise" walk today, Brooklyn, NY, iPhone 5

hypervigilance

So much walking today! I finally gave in and listened to a podcast while walking during my afternoon errands, which came to a total of about an hour divided into 20 minute chunks. I'm all for being present and listening to the sounds around me, but I was aggravated by the slowness of it all (each of those 20 minutes could have been about 3 minutes on a bike), so I listened to the Ted Radio Hour podcast (highly recommend).

Earlier in the day, I went for a walk in the park because Tuesdays are usually running days, and it makes me feel a little more sane to keep some semblance of that routine. In a more isolated section of the walk, I crossed paths with someone who said hello, so I returned the greeting and went about my way. A few seconds later, he comes running up next to me and starts asking me how many laps I do when I walk and other exercise related questions. He then proceeded to walk my direction instead of the way he was going, which sent up red flags (note: this story has a neutral ending, so don't brace yourself for something traumatic). I hate that I felt threatened, but as a small-framed, female bodied individual, there's just no way around feeling physically unsafe around men of any size. When we reached my turn off, I gave the usual "okay, great, have a nice walk, I'm going this way" and he made as if to walk his own direction. Then he came jogging back and asked if he could walk with me. I should have said no, but in the moment it felt too harsh even though it's exactly what I wanted. I figured okay, fine, maybe he'll walk like 5 minutes and turn back. No, boyfriend walked with me for 20 more minutes. Basically, all the way to the entrance of the park where I was prepared for a direct "No" if he asked to continue with me. About 10 minutes into the experience, I texted charrow to tell her I had started walking with some random dude just so she would know in case something crazy happened. A dramatic gesture, but it was comforting nonetheless.

Am I seriously paranoid? Maybe I watch too many crime shows, but all I could think was this guy could totally turn on me in the middle of a relatively empty park and there's no way I can outrun or overpower him. He creeped on me a bit at first (asking personal questions about who I'm dating), which did not help my dark imagination. But mostly he was just a curious, naive, twenty-something dude-bro. When I told him that I'm a therapist, he launched into his own experience with depression and asked me what I would tell someone in his circumstance. So yeah, just another person dealing with some shit and trying to talk to anyone who will listen. And now for today's haiku about the confusing state of gray this morning:

smoky clouds hang low,
horizon glowing, is it
sunrise or sunset?

picture: charrow watching the sunset over Morro Bay State Park, CA, June 2014, film, Canon Tlb 

the hermit strategy

Another day of sneezing and aching. I'm just sick enough to feel cranky and pathetic, but not sick enough to keep me out of the park in the morning. I did skip a Superbowl invitation in the interest of sleep and avoiding junk food. It's amazing how much I crave it when I'm sick, but that's exactly the time I shouldn't eat it. So I stayed home with that snoring dog of ours to eat my lentils and squash while watching Friday Night Lights, and when I'm done writing this, I'm going to go to bed at an unreasonably early time. For now, here's today's exercise about that silly dog, written from his point of view:

wistfully sniffing
at greasy, crumpled bags, wait!
I need that squirrel!

top picture: a happy dog rolling in the park (little hard to see, but it's the black blob in the middle), Prospect Park, Brooklyn, NY, today, iPhone 5

bottom picture: the squirrel hunter sniffing around the picnic area where the giant trees live, Prospect Park, Brooklyn, NY, today, iPhone 5

in attendance

Sometimes it takes some serious wallowing and a good night's sleep to snap out of a funk and get shit done. It's also been a beautiful day here in Brooklyn. We had sunny skies and ran into almost all of our favorite park people on this morning's walk. Some days I walk through and begrudgingly speak to people, wishing for silence and getting annoyed with their idiosyncrasies. X person complains too much. Y person always asks huge open-ended "dad" questions that I've already answered three times. Q person gives our dog too many treats and never remembers to ask. So on and so forth. But today I disengaged with my internal crank and enjoyed the weather and the dogs. Focused on walking and watching and only half listened to the idle conversations happening around me. Then we cleaned and I set up my new film camera (more on that soon). Nothing exciting to report and no soapboxes to keep me writing, so here's the short form of crazy dog chases:

bend your knees as they
fly by*, ears flapping with wild
eyes and teeth flashing

* to prevent leg injuries in case of collision

picture: Roscoe: he eats gloves and teases me with his frisbee by nudging my leg and lunging away when I reach for it, Prospect Park, Brooklyn, NY, January 2016, digital 

snow blind

The snow has stopped, and all is right in Red's world again... until tomorrow when it's officially bootie season (salt burns his feet to the point of limping). We took him for a two hour walk in the park this morning, because that's how long it took to walk our short route through two feet of snow. What a slog, but it was sunny and relatively warm. The dog has been a snoring lump since we got back, and I've been in a trip planning fugue. To the point of almost forgetting to write my silly haiku for the day. So here's today's exercise in commitment along with a few more pictures from the park.

we squeaked and crunched through
fields of white dotted with dogs
beware the sledders!

(because they were definitely not concerned about running us over)

january morning

Well, I'm definitely less grumpy, but I don't have very much time before I need to get into bed to prevent tomorrow's grumpiness. Especially since we are having dinner guests tomorrow, and the apartment has a few days' worth of "who has time or energy to put THAT away" stuff. So here's a snippet from our walk in the park this morning. I tend to groan to myself as I'm pulling on layer upon layer of warm clothes, but park days are always better days, even in January.

over glinting snow
patches we walked while birds chirped
like creaky porch swings

(it's easy to get into list cadence with haikus. not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing or just is. luckily, it's my party and I can list if I want to (although this one is less list-y than usual))

picture: near the end of the long meadow in Prospect Park, Brooklyn, NY, this morning, iPhone 5

cold feet

I took the dog to the park this morning and we were met with a field of frost. Sad times for all the flowering plants that have been hanging on past their prime. It was also a sad time for my toes because I can't bring myself to wear the comically large arctic expedition boots that charrow bought herself to combat poor circulation in her feet. Winter makes me whiny. Just wait until it snows! I will have to rename the blog to gripes & snipes. For now I leave you with this slightly more optimistic combination of words: 

the begonias have 

flopped, crab apples hang shriveled, 

but the birds still sing 

top picture: a gigantic begonia grown by a friend's mother, Hartland, VT, June 2014, film, Canon Tlb 

bottom picture: Red sitting patiently for me to take 1 of 70 pictures on our morning walk, Prospect Park, Brooklyn, NY, today, iphone 5s

get out there

I often see the same older Asian man walking in Prospect Park.  He carries a cane and contends with a robotic hitch in his stride.  Last week I went running on a wretched winter day.  At the beginning of my loop around the park, I saw this walking man (not to be confused with crazy walking guy whom I will save for another post).  I was surprised to find my cane-toting acquaintance out on such an unpleasant day, but there he was: hugging the far edge of the drive, bent into the wind, making steady progress.

Some days he carries his cane high off the ground and some days he leans on it for support, but more often than not, he's out there.  Motoring along.