i woke up this morning feeling like a death shishkebob on broil. who knew 5 beers would wreak so much havoc. i could lament over my receding ability to party, but really, i turn into a horrible human being when i kick back too many cold ones (or warms ones or floaters). the world is a better place without a drunk version of me wandering the streets. I once took a 2 am stroll from the mandarin hotel in DC across the 14th street bridge, into rosslyn (where i considered sleeping on a metro bench), down the whitehurst freeway (where i politely declined a ride from a passing car), and back through the city to the hotel (where i slept in the lobby for 2 hours because they wouldn't give me my room number). No phone, no watch, no money, no identification, with a hotel room key in my left hand, but no memory of the room number. My original plan was to walk home (via the GW parkway) but after further consideration, i realized i had no way of getting into my apartment because my keys were in the valet parking office. For those of you with no geographical concept of DC, my jaunt was roughly 10 miles...all in the comfort of Chucks.
as i was saying, no one really misses that version of me. well, one person might, but that's just because my antics always made her look like a better person. i finally realized that i can make the same tasteless jokes without hardening my liver and losing a day of my life to headaches and bloating misery.
and now for something completely different