It's another soggy day in the neighborhood. The fledgling leaves on the currently unidentified tree outside the window are a vibrant green against the muddled brownstones. The workmen across the street have moved on from swiping at the remnants of an old piano (producing a dissonant sound that made me feel like I was in a Hitchcock movie) to making an incessant racket with some sort of jackhammer/stone grinding tool. The noise is reminiscent of the cacophonous MRI experience last week. I had no idea MRI machines were so loud. It was like being stuck in a washing machine strapped to the hood of an 18-wheeler while someone took a jackhammer to the toploading door during the spin cycle.
At any rate, it's raining again, which is doing absolutely nothing for my already tenuous mood. My foot is a light shade of purple, and my brain is in serious need of a kick-start. I don't know if it was the hours I lost to this blog* (rabbit hole induced dysphoria?) or the time spent painting in the confines of the bathroom at the 13th street Joe the Art of Coffee (toxin induced depression?), but for the past 48 hours I've been hazy at best and as soggy as the weather at worst.
I'm guessing the root of my problem is three fold:
1. I have yet to join the Y, which means I have't exercised in over 4 weeks, unless you count crouching with a paintbrush in a bathroom or using power tools in the kitchen. This is akin to leaving my hippocampus in the sun to shrivel up like a raisin. I hate raisins.
2. I am having serious Path oriented anxiety and indecision.
3. Upon further reflection, there is no third fold. All other issues stem from the first two folds in one way or another.
So, where to go from here? Nowhere for the moment. My bulbous foot needs a break from all the non-exercise activity I've been putting it through. But I can't stay in this dank brain space for much longer or you will be subjected to more blathering posts, and I will continue to inflict misery upon myself and the closest victim (i.e. the needy one and poor, overworked Charrow).
The Wise and All Knowing InterWeb says that it takes 21 days to create or break a habit. I don't feel like searching for the best link to convey this wisdom, so google it for yourself and see how many different Paths to Freedom you can find under the 21 day umbrella. I mock only the worst of examples because, ultimately, I believe there's some credence to the idea.
So for the next 21 days I'm going to make it a point to do at least one thing each day to combat this habit of self pity and avoidance that I've been nurturing lately. I won't bore you with a daily edition of my woo woo endeavors, but I will let you know if something interesting comes out of the woodwork during my attempt to identify what's Next.
* highly recommend this blog, but beware if you're weak in the ways of moderation and/or need to be productive
6 comments:
And I don't know if it's work dissatisfaction, missing you guys and Brooklyn, or a lack of yoga, but I'm feeling kinda similarly. Maybe I need 21 days? Or maybe I need to move to Brooklyn?
For the short term, read Pretty in Pink Megan and be glad you're not her.
Oh, dear...I hope you don't feel like you want those hours back!
We aim to provide only the pleasantest of rabbit-hole experiences over to communicatrix. I swear!
quitewrite: i smite you for trying to get me to read that trash.
communicatrix: it was your basic internet fog caused by overindulgence. too much of a good thing! no refunds requested. (willpower maybe, but no refunds)
When in moods like this I engage in what I call "heavy escapism." Drinking is one way to escape, as is watching many episodes of West Wing or 30 Rock in my bed or reading Dykes to Watch Out For. That's about what does it. Alternatively (it sounds like this is where you are headed), if you are ready to come up on the other side, I recommend exercise and sociability. Not that you need me to tell you that. But I can tell you that I love unannounced visitors, and we don't live very far apart...
I also periodically attempt to go on self-improvement binges so if you want to compare check-lists or something, just let me know. I'm not familiar with the Path but perhaps you can show the way.
Here is a blog I wasted an inordinate amount of time on recently. The abandoned amusement parks near Chernobyl are particularly weird:
http://www.artificialowl.net/
Shiny, powerful human creations become rusting, fallen, wrecks in the blink of an eye (in geologic time, anyway). It's strange, but this is actually comforting to me when I feel down.
21 days to break a habit? I've never heard that before -- but that's good to know. I think I'll try it out on a habit or two of my own!
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