Tuesday, May 4, 2010

chapter 1: moving on

the beginning

This picture was taken down the street from my apartment. I walk past that building multiple times a day. Every time I see it, I think to myself "Chapter 1," and I feel the potential of something. I love that blue type because it represents a beginning of sorts (and because it matches a crisp blue sky perfectly).

But I'm horrible with beginnings. It took me over 2 weeks to get Friday's "5 on 5" post up because I was so worried about picking the right pictures and because I let life get in the way of dedicating the time to pull it together. Sure, I enjoyed watching the Wire instead of writing about ice cream. Sure, it seemed like there were more important things to do than kill an hour on a blog that has no monetary benefit and no real life repercussions if I ignore it. But I felt like I let myself down when another Friday passed with no update.

I'm also horrible with endings. It's taken me over 1.5 years to get rid of a motorcycle that doesn't work. I've pushed that motorcycle across the street for alternate side parking approximately 136 times (give or take 10 for holidays, snow days, and times when Charrow took care of the chore for me). Every time I sling my leg over the seat, I feel guilty: because I haven't taken the time or the money to fix the bike; because I'm too afraid to ride it in the city; because I'm depriving the bike of its joy in life (anthropomorphizing does not help with guilt, let me tell you).

Clearly I have a problem with guilt. I can name at least 5 other major situations where it has crippled me from taking any action. And where does it get me? Absolutely fucking nowhere except from one side of the same damn street to the other.

Tomorrow a charity is coming to pick up my motorcycle. In 2 weeks, I will be done with my dog hours. It might be time to put this picture on my desktop and get started on something new.

4 comments:

Spinning Ninny said...

getting rid of the bike...the end of a era. my condolences. you're very brave...both in getting rid of the bike and in confronting the guilt.

Steve said...

Bravo for moving on from the motorcycle, and allowing it to fulfill its happy destiny. (Anthropomorphizing!)

I hope this doesn't mean you're quitting the blog, but believe me, I understand the impulse!

herding tapeworms said...

nope, no plans to discontinue the blog. i have a hard time producing content for a number of reasons, but I will continue to blather for awhile longer.

Steve said...

Good! :)