mind the fangs

anyone who knows me can attest to my fear of spiders. i yelp. i drop things. the bigger the spider, the faster the immobilization (and the louder the yelp). there was a mammoth spider, even by normal standards, in the apartment the other week. HUGE. it could have palmed my head, and i'm sure it's slowly making its way home from the bushes out front to do so. which reminds me, we watched Arachnophobia the other night. could they have picked a better actor for john goodman's role? this movie is the reason i started sleeping with socks on, as if they're somehow impenetrable to the fangs of the blood thirsties that stalk me in my sleep. it's also the reason i check behind the toilet in especially grimy bathrooms. if only spiders looked more like this: